i'm tired..i really should start my summer reading..or even clean...but..i dont feel like it.

i just want to be lazy. :P and if someone has a problem with it they can go fuck themeself. i do not care right now.

sorry.

..not really. :X

haha.

....but yea. anyways..things are getting a little better. with..everything for right now..with my dad...school..jrotc...except..relationships with my..."bestfriends"...some of them arent exactly my "bestfriends" anymore..especially two in particular..and it really..upsets me.
i hate losing bestfriends..people i used to be able to tell anything to..at least it thought i could..but i guess..not..whatever.


ughhh.
but..i've more..possibly..better..bestfriends. and am good friends with an..exbestfriend lol. :P so yea..i guess it all works out.

well..i'm gonna go..
later.

<33 tana.

arrrgghh.
i'm mad..and dont really know why for sure.

i was in a really good mood all day today..and..now..all the sudden..i'm not.

..i need...to go..outside..and just...scream :] hehe. that would make everything..greaat.

maybe not..but..maybe..lol :]

i cant wait till thursday! no effin school!

i seriously..have never been more excited for school to get out.
i'm sick and tired of school. more than ever.

next year..i dont even want to think about it..its gonna be sooo freaking hard.

ugh. i get stressed way too easy! :[

i hate how people like to go behind peoples back and look at things that they have no right or buisness looking at. and he thinks i dont he does it.
ha. whatever.
he needs to learn that i'm not a bad fucking kid just because i went to one damn party and had some drinks. i'm not going to fuck my life up b/c of one party.



GRRRRRR! one fucking party and i wont live it down till the day i die! literally. ugghhh.


you know what... WHATEVER! i dont care anymore.
2 more years and i'm GONE! to where..i'm not so sure of right now..but ...ill figure it out.

:]

and..i do NOT need another *women/mother figure* okay!?!?! ..thanks..but NO THANKS.

today was...good.
at first..it was just another boring day. lol..but today when i got home..i was sitting on the computer..and was like..hmm..its hott..the waters warm..
..lets go boating!
i asked my dad and me him n tasha went!! it was awesome! i hadnt been in forever! and i was still able to wakeboard and land my 180's!!!! :]]]

yay!! lol

ughh myspace isnt letting me log in! i swear the have soooo many *technological errors//problems* its unbelievable. its ridiculous. lol

owell!!
i'm HAPPY! today was awesome! going boating pretty much made my weeek! lol <3

...i'm tired now tho lol..my back already hurt..now my entire body is going to hurt tomorrow! but oweellll! it was sooo much fun! :]]] lol

i cant wait for summeeerrr!!! :]] eek!

i'm hungry now. lol..its 9 23 ...hmm..what should i eat... i dunno. lol

woooot!

i'm gonna goo!

laterr!!!

<333ya!

i do. i know i do. i'll be the first to admit..i do like him..alot..
but for some reason..i dont kno if i want to date him again..its not b/c i've already dated him..at least i dont think it is..i dont really kno why it is actually..but i dont want to do something if i'm not sure i want to..

i feel bad..because i kno he really likes me..and like i said..i really like him..but i dnt kno..somethings telling me no..
idk..its just really confusing..

but..for right now i'm really happy with where we are..and all..
i just dont know if ..i'm ready to have a boyfriend again i guess..idk if i want one..i guess i'm just gonna have to get on w/it..and realize its a part of life..but i'm not ready..

..i've decided..i lovee holding hands and cuddling. hehe :] lol..

..3 weeks ago..i hated the fact that me and him werent goin out..and now that i have the chance..i just dont know what i want to do..

and i've told him pretty much all of this..so its not like i'm just leading him on..ive told him exactly how i feel..and he says he understands..but i kno he doesnt. hell i dont...lol...

hmm..i like you..alot..but i dont want to date u..at least not right now.. i dont even understand..lol..but he didnt get mad at me..i knew he wouldnt he's prbly just mad at the fact that i wont date him..i'd be mad if i was him...and be confused as hell..

i am confused as hell..


...well i could ramble on and on and on about this..but i'm not goin to.

tonite..at 8 to 10..i have my final drive. my test. i'm ..nervous! :] wish me luck!!!

later!!
<33
tana!

Current Mood: confused

i might be getting a ti-8(something) lol calcalutor today! i hope so i need one! wow..i sound like a geeek! hahaa. o well :] i'm a sexii geek :] lol

i should be getting $40 today for takin care of my neighbors cat and mowing her yard..and then next week i'm goin to mow my other neighbors (really hugegantic) yard and get $60 from that..so i'm goin to buy me a mp3player!! :] i need one! someone stole the one my mom got me for the last christmas..and i cried over it. i was really mad//sad and wanted to shoot whoever stole it. and prbly wldve if i found out who stole it! but ya..i never did. GRR! ppl are asses. but o well :] life is full of asses so i mise well get use to them :] hehe


i'm hungry..but our stove is broke :p not cool. not cool at all.

..oh did u kno..that u cant order just a reg. hamburger meal @ mcdonalds..its either a quaterpounder..two meats..two breads..it was practically impossible. i ended up having to get two meats..i just wanted..ONE! lol. impossible!

well. i'm gonna go!
soo talk ya lata!!

well i went to my second real party..and got drunk for the first time everrr! it was greaaat.
the cops showed up..and scared the shit outa all of us and then left and the party continued except for no more drinking..but i had already stopped cuz i was already sooo messed up from just 2 or 3 beers 2 shots and smirnoff. haha. woooowww it was greaaaat!

well i'm pretty content with my life for once..for now anyways..

last night was alot of fun...i got drunk but i had fun..but at the same time i feel bad for lying to my dad..i promised him i wouldnt drink..and now i kinda feel like shit for it..but we're teenagers..we're suppose to go to parties and drank..and get in trouble....right? my dad always tells me stories about when he was 13 and drinking//driving//dipping...so whats so bad about me going to a party and getting drunk..? idk i feel really bad about it so prbly wont do it again for a while even tho i had alot of fun...

i've learned my friends really do care about me.. :] and i've made a new really good friend [kaycie!] which is pretty neat. (ah travis got me saying neat lol) but ya. i'm happy we are friends. She's really easy to talk to about...anything. literally which is pretty cool. THANK U KAYCIE! LOVE YA!

guys are..confusing..they really are....this one guy like 2 or 3 months ago..told me he liked me then..we talked for a while n the all the sudden he stopped talkin to me..and the other day i went to look at his myspace profile and where it says orientation..his use to say straight..and now it says not sure..wtf..? its really weird to find out someone who flat out told u they liked u like 2 months ago..is more than likely gay...and he doesnt even have the decency to tell me! grr! guys suck. and then there's other guys too..but i'm not gonna mention any names...


..my back hurts..really bad..idk why. but it does. just in one spot. me and kaycie decided we are both just falling apart..kinda sux..and its scaarry! lol :]

..today is 14 months since my mom..and idk..idk anymore...its getting hard to even remember what my looked like..i cant hear her voice anymore..i hate it. its not fair. i want her back soooo bad. and my granmda..and now my other grandma prbly only has a year..she has colin cancer really bad...and it sux..idk what i'm gonna do when that happens..my lil sis is attached to her...so thats really gonna suck..idk if i'm gonna be able to handle that..

idk..i dnt wanna think about all that right now..

hmm..i found out *something* that i cant say..but made me REALLLLYYY happy! lol..but still at the same time kinda sux..but i'm still really happy about it..lol :]

well i'm gonna go have wolvertons proj to finish. so lame.

later!